The Nuns teach him Tantra


yab yum
“If I’m not alone, then who are you?”

“Oh, I suppose you want an explanation? You can think of it as channeling. I used to be abbot of a great monastery in Tibet, not so long ago.”

“Of course, no one ever channels the charwoman. I suppose you have a story to tell?”

“Don’t make light of it. We were the most sought after monastery. Only highly intelligent, unblemished males were accepted.”

“What was the big draw?”

“We taught the most advanced Tantric practices. We partnered with a nunnery down the road for joint exercises.”

“Oh, I see. You were Hugh Hefner of Lhasa.”

“Hardly. We weren’t permitted to derive any pleasure from the practices.”

“I bet it took a lot of practice to overcome all desire.” I was quite skeptical.

“True, we practiced quite diligently. Until …”

“Until what?” He was finally grabbing my attention.

“Until that German expedition in 1944. Their researches had led them to believe in the hollow earth. They thought the entrance way was near our monastery.”

“Do you know why?”

“Yes, things were not going well in the war. They were looking for a place for all the upper level Nazis to escape to. There were a lot of ancient legends that led them to us.”

“So how did that affect you?”

“There was one fellow named Hans, a mathematician, whom we put up in the monastery. He brought a lot of material with him – treatises on quantum physics and mathematics. Interested in the Buddhist teachings, he taught us physics and math in exchange. Eventually, all the young novices became fascinated with the paradoxes of quantum physics, the recently published Gödel’s theorem, transfinite numbers, Hilbert’s problems.”

“Did that become a problem?”

“Most of the monks lost interest in the traditional teachings and began neglecting their Tantric practices.”

“Wow. Hans must have been quite charismatic. Why was that a problem?”

“I suppose it wasn’t for us. However, the nuns felt neglected and became quite irritable. When the abbess complained to the Dalai Lama, the investigation led to the termination of my position.”

“So what happened to Hans?”

“Oh, Hans. He built a small hermitage within walking distance of the nunnery.”

“Was that so he could teach quantum physics to the nuns?”

“Nah. It was so they could teach him Tantra.”


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